My Dark Forest

news!!!

2007-05-30T15:59:33Z

First i must express my distaste at certain people's existance. they are too perfect and i hate them for resons beyond their perfection... but the perfect part is just sort of salt in the wound. Fuck the world.

On to happier things... WE GOT OUR HOUSE!!!! ok so tj has the key and everyone sept me is moving in partialy if not totaly today. Its exciting! yay.

As for my life, courage and self confidence are the plan or at least the hope. But i am a groovy chick so it shouldn't be much of an issue. right?

Back to class...

HOOKIES!!!!!!!

2007-04-19T01:47:04Z

I'm worried about a couple people right now, since the horrible event at VT i've been unable to contact my darlig hookies that i miss so much. If anyone knows anything about the well being of the people i know at tech... THIS MEANS YOU HOOKIES... MESSAGE ME!!!! i need to know you are ok... and to all of my friends, i love you. things happen out of the blue so often, make sure you share the love.

eternity

2006-12-29T02:37:49Z

So life is as always crazy for me. too many things to do, do many expectations and demands from others. i always strech myself too thin, but there doesn't seem to be much i can do about it. I'm told by those who care about me to take time for myself and my own mental health. especialy since my break down a few days ago. but yet when i try to i get to hear that i'm letting people down. and i can't seem to balance family, friends, and my baby. but if i try to do something with one i get to hear it from the rest of them because i'm ditching them for the other. its strange how demanding and territorial people can be. they even fucking tell me to take it easy.

saying that, i get to tell everyone now that between work and my crazy demands if you want to hang out you have to make an apt. its crazy i know but sadly true. for example today i made an apt. with my darling lost smidge. i haven't seen her in ages and i miss her. but YAY!!!!! i get to see her sat night. so please, those who i haven't seen need to call me or write me on myspace or here so we can hang. i'm down till the 7th. then back to school. i kinda have mixed feeling about that too, i'm dying to get out of my parents house but i will miss my baby and my friends. oh well enough for now.

peace

evilweepnwillow @ 2006-09-30T11:32:00

2006-09-30T15:36:27Z

first thing first... salvia tastes terrible and is a worthless one time drug. that being said i fucking fell out of reality. i leaned back and it all melted away. for two minutes i spent a day in another world. good times, i think it was also the room we were in and the environment, but it was a good night and today i'm execting my baby up here. i haven't posted in ages so thought i'd drop a service anouncement about salvia... it tastes like shit!!!

update on my world

2006-09-06T18:04:35Z

i can't seem to stay consistant on anything really so i'm here to fill in some of the blanks on my entries. this week has blown so i have to fix a lot of things, its gonna take time. but i have fixed one thing, which makes me feel a whole bunch lighter. and i'm engaged, yeah i know... holy shit. it happened a while ago i'm just waiting on the ring, but as far as i'm concerned he is already my husband. he is very good to me and all i could want in a man and more. i'm very lucky. i'm back in orlando and missin my baby, but its ok i'll see him soon. i'm just happy and i know how lucky i am, i thank him all the time for simply loving me. its good time. peace everyone.
Mrs. Nottage

SWEDEN

2006-08-05T05:17:23Z

I am in paris airport right now and first things first i forgot how crazy these keyboards are. oye. So i cant seem to get onto myspace. damn air france. If you want to talk to me either email me or comment here. take care guys!!!!

where do i go from here?

2006-05-29T19:57:52Z

so whats going on with me. i've reclused into a happy place. that world within myself. sept this time i brought someone with me. gabe makes me smile. wich is nice. he takes care of me because he wants to. the only tiffs we have are about him paying for shit all the time. what a life right. if that was my only complaint life would be peachy. but of course there is more and this it the place to unload my shit right? its what everyone else does. my fone keeps craping out on me. like the battery dies and i get mesages and missed calls like fucking days later. which blows. i had hoped to see krizten and nessa this summer but nessa is always working and i'm trying to find a job. not to mention this getting up at 6 in the morning to get gabe to work is kicking me in the ass so when people want to chill at night i'm dead. no fair. i feel like i'm neglecting my friends, but there are very few that call me, and i kinda figure the fone works both ways ya know. i talk to either jared or branden every day. cause they call me. i talk to matt cause he calls me. and gabe or alex call me everyday. and randomly i get a text from ricki or i call her on a whim. and leanne tries to make sure i'm not dead by giving me a call everyonce in a while. everyone else has so much to do or their own agendas. i get that but it kinda makes me sad, i sould see if people are still alive at least. hmmm... that was fun... i'm bored, more to say but i just don't care enough to type it all. hope everyone is having a good summmer.

jobless in plantation

2006-05-16T21:42:43Z

I NEED A DAMN JOB!!!

like holy crap i need money. hmmmm... damn this bad luck. i'm so not digging it.

oh and damn this whole anxitey bit, not enjoying the being stressed out and jittery. uncool.

I am coming home!!!!

2006-04-27T15:21:16Z

So i'm sitting in orlando in the middle of a busy, busy day. I thought i'd drop a line and update the world on me a little bit. i have no time to do this but hell i might as well.
~ok so school is the devil, i mean seriously its kicking my ass.
~i changed my major. I'm gonna shrink people's heads now.
~i'm gonna be home friday evening which means i'm home for banquet.
~i'm dating gabe now, he makes me smile.
ok there is really too much to say in the time i have so fuck it. I miss ya'll and i'll be seeing you soon. give me a call and we'll hang out.

long time no see...

2006-03-02T19:33:08Z

Hmmm... where have i been. that is in fact the question my friend. i have been a big 'ol basket of crazy. that was fun. i'm head over heels for and amazing guy. I've been feeling like shit and been totaly all over the place but things are starting to look up. today was a good day. things are still fucked up and always will be to some point but i'm happy to say my outlook has changed considerably. oh and shit a brick... i'm being productive. like doing my work and going to class. holy cow what a good idea. anyways... i hadn't written in a while and thought that i should. its a new day guys...

look at me!!!

2006-01-25T04:03:39Z

dude. i'm on the freakin' homepage. dude. me.
http://karnevalmasque.com/pages/7/index.htm

lost

2006-01-15T22:38:04Z

i don't have a damn clue. i just don't even know anymore. love is pain... and joy... so confusing. i hate causing pain. i want to make all of those i care about happy. it just isn't easy i guess. nothing is easy. where the hell is my easy button.

oh and i'm still sick, much better but still sick... and unfortunately two of my roommates hate me now... they feel sick now too. ugh!!!

a new semester

2006-01-10T16:31:26Z

I have started classes and the first two don't seem bad. my comp is on the fritz so the online one is gonna be an issue if i don't fix it soon. i'm doing grade forgiveness on my skrew up from last semester. so things should be getting better. we will see. i had a good break, unfortunately i was a bitch and broke a sweet guys heart. someone tried to use me to cheat on their partner. unkool. i stopped that. i awoke into an old dream that i thought made me happy. i'm unsure of that happiness now. oh and i'm sick, yay for being frozen and flooded out of my tent two sleepless nights in a row. i really did have a good time in sugarloaf tho... good times and awesome poi at bardic. i got taken out on a few dates by mikey... so sweet. i already mentioned the "family vacation" it was awesome. i had good times with good friends. only one regret and otherwise it was a top notch vacation. i don't even care that i'm sick now. i hope everyone else had fun.

evilweepnwillow @ 2005-12-24T23:04:00

2005-12-25T04:17:48Z

i'm so glad i'm getting to see alot of you south florida people again. i missed a lot of you. its been good times, a few bad days but such is life. I'm ok with the bad, cause i've been in worse and felt worse, everything will change like it always does and somethings i take comfort in their constant nature. it is ok for a few things in life to be predictable. helps you to get an edge on the shit that makes no sense. hmmm... vaugue ranting... always fun.
Gabe is coming back into town tomarrow, i'm gonna go see him. not sure how that is gonna go... if it goes well then yay and i will have welcomed a friend back, knowing him i think thats how it'll be. i've missed him, and i totaly want to hear about all of his stories, that bastards been gone almost a year.
Then on monday i head out on a "family" vacation with mikey, lexi, krizten, and their mom. Vanessa and i are the non-family/ totaly family additions. it should be fun. i'm looking foward to it actually. yay!!!
so a few good things and now to end with a glimps into the special charlotte of today.
evilweepinwillow (11:03:34 PM): fine... i like my humor.. i will laugh at it if you don't return, just so it doesn't feel abandoned
people leave comps and fuck that... i'll just keep talking. why do people let me talk. i think my babble amuses people sometimes. i think i just sound short bus, but i'm ok with that. cause everyone on the short bus is cool, everyone of the seats is in the back. there i go talking again and horrible quoting a brainless film. merry x-mas and such.

anyone else up for giving me an organ... maybe a new back???

2005-12-20T23:48:39Z

thank you smidge for your kindness, your kidney will look nice on my shelf till i need it.
today i was without car. silly me i woke up(thank you k) and got ready and went out to my driveway in order to start my chores and then hang out with my friends. but holy shit, my driveway was bloody empty. it ruined my whole day. i had shit to do and people to see but mom took my car. she said she wouldn't. so i disapointed someone and myself. well its in the past so oh well. it just really pissed me off at the time. everything is just delayed untill tomarrow.
i know none of that mattered to anyone i just haven't posted in a bit. oh well.

evilweepnwillow @ 2005-12-17T02:43:00

2005-12-17T07:44:38Z

mood swings blow. but luckily there is still the rain to help wash it all away.

GUESS WHAT?!?!??!?!

2005-12-09T07:23:48Z

ANNOUNCEMENT:

I'm Twenty!!!

Holy crap guys, it is totally my BIRTHDAY!

evilweepnwillow @ 2005-12-08T18:49:00

2005-12-08T23:53:43Z

yup. no way i can say how upset i was/am. she can't stop smiling cause she is so happy. she did an off hand sorry when i mentioned that i had wanted to sell my books today. ::sigh:: i'm just glad she is so happy. i'll get over it. My little kachina is basicaly engaged, and she is happy.

everlasting gobstopper

2005-12-08T23:07:27Z

the subject just came to me and it fits well i think.
I was kinda in an ok mood today after sleeping only 3 hours but doing well on my final(i think). So it was an ok trade off. Called Kachina cause she was suposed to pick me up after my final and we would hangout and sell my books. I told her that if blake was still sleeping to put the phone on silent so he could sleep in for once... today was his day off from exams and such. He had been out of the apt everymorning at like 7. ewwwie. so when i called at 10:30 i thold her answering machine that it was raining too hard to walk home now so i'd just wait until she came to get me. i'd already gotten wet on the long walk to communications and i didn't want to do it again. So i waited for a while and kristen came out of her test and we walked a bit till be got in jon's car for a ride home. Hung out with her for a while. Called Kachina again at 11:30. Told her machine i was hanging with kristen for a little while and i hoped she would be coming to get me soon. (I had walked in the rain with two huge extra books ontop of the ones i had with me for last min questions for my final so when kachina got me after my exam we wouldn't have to stop at my apt. smartie that i am.) Well about 12:45 i went back to my apt to wait there so kristen would study more. after about an hour i went to bed... nothing else to do. i had already checked all my online things and given myself a pedicure. So its 6:00 and kachina called a bit ago saying she was on her way from the mall to get me if i wanted. You know what they got at the mall... blake had her pick out a ring. i think it was a purty expensive promise ring. so now that i feel forgotten and ignored and generaly low on myself i can't even bring it up cause it would be wrong to dampen her mood right now. off to go buck up and enjoy my terrible everlasting gobstopper, she is in that parking lot.
can i just throw it out and be happy?

evilweepnwillow @ 2005-12-02T19:39:00

2005-12-03T00:41:27Z

so even i have become bored with my emotional rollercoaster so i will ignore it and stay numb for a while. maybe that will work. also kachina, blake and i got a tree and have decorated it for kachina's apt. it looks cute.

WORST PEP TALK EVER!!!!!!

2005-12-01T05:16:39Z

so if you ever want a pep talk that will leave you clawing out of the car so you can cry as hystericaly as you need to cause the silent tears aren't enough... just talk to my good friend blake. that my friends was fantastic.

will it never fucking end.

2005-12-01T02:44:55Z

I've been living on campus more which is fun. I'm getting ready for finals next week. Its hardcore. I also found out i'm expected to get a job over the break. Wilma fucked our family over. So i get to go home and work to help out with the money thing. I really need a break, i'm breaking down almost weekly. something just shuts off and i go numb or feel terrible. I need to be free of stress for a week. but that my friends is nt going to happen. i get to go home and get bitched at till i get a job. once i have one i'm going to get bitched at for not being home enough. cause i'll get off work and want to hang out with my friends to relax a little bit. But i'll only be able to do that after i have dinner with the family. so i'll leave the house at 8 or so just to be back at 11. So i get to leave stressful school with bad grades to that. oh, i'm looking foward to it.
so i'm sitting here on kachina's couch. I've been unable to stop puking for the past three hours. I end up getting up every half an hour or so. so not cool. ::sigh:: i'm so looking forward to my vacation, well at least i was.

evilweepnwillow @ 2005-11-24T17:52:00

2005-11-24T22:59:20Z

Is it turkey day? 'Cause i think it is turkey day. YAY FOR TURKEY DAY!!! so i had a good night last night. It was my rents 24th anv. yay. that ment salmon and the bubbly... better than college food. Then of to purty colorful lights to meet up with nessa mikey and k. i heart carnies... good times. ok well off to more turkey day adventures... oh and i totaly cooked turkey day dinner... and two pies. it was all damn good if i must say so myself.

turkey break

2005-11-23T06:24:36Z

so life has purty much bit the big one lately... yay. i think things will get better after a trip home. and even better at the end of the semester. i could be very wrong tho. we will see. of to another sleepless night. i don't want to sound emo. things just suck right now. they will get better, i just don't know what or how long it will take. nighty-nite all.

evilweepnwillow @ 2005-11-18T00:57:00

2005-11-18T05:57:22Z

::sigh::